


I add another scar to my collection

by Jazz_intown



Series: And when the sky's falling apart, who will hold my hand? [5]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Dream's being a bitch, and Tommy realizes it, the child's angry, tw suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:27:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29019696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazz_intown/pseuds/Jazz_intown
Summary: No one cares about Tommy, so why should he?
Series: And when the sky's falling apart, who will hold my hand? [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2122893
Kudos: 17





	I add another scar to my collection

Tommy wonders what dying would feel like. 

The tower is tall and the cold air bites his skin, turning it into spikes of ice. He left his coat - Wilbur's coat - back down. He doesn't know if the tears in his eyes come from the wind or from the emptiness in his chest, and he can't really bring himself to care. 

_Tommy,_ Wilbur said once, _don't cry. We'll get through this._

But Wilbur is dead. He left him, like everyone else. 

Tommy stares into the night sky. The stars are brighter here in Logstedshire without all the lights from the town. The moon hides behind dark clouds. Even he doesn't want to look at that ridiculous child sitting there, trying to jump. 

Tommy wonders if Tubbo would notice. 

He hopes he does. He hopes he'll realize his mistake, his betrayel. He hopes he'll cry at his fucking grave, begging for forgiveness he wouldn't get. He hopes he'll never sleep again. He hopes he'll always be haunted by Tommy's dead body laying shattered in the grass. He hopes _he'll fucking regret_ sending him away with only the shadow of his destructive brother and a too powerful tyrant on his side. 

Tommy hopes Tubbo suffers. 

Tommy hopes he can stop missing Tubbo so badly. 

Being betrayed by his best friend had left him devasted. The hole in his chest, once filled with laughter and sunshine and bees, devours him from the inside. Anger and sadness form a raging storm inside of him; his thoughts scream against his head. He used to hate silence but now he just wishes them to fucking shut up. He's going insane, he can feel it. He's following into Wilbur's footsteps, with the difference that there is nothing he could destroy to get free other than himself. 

So maybe that's what he should do. 

He wonders if Dream would be mad. 

Yeah, probably. His toy would be gone.

Tommy's not dumb. No no, he remembers it very well, his brother's prideful look when he came up with a plan or Fundy's slightly jealous amazement when he answered a question in maths faster than him. He's a smart kid and he isn't blind either; the manipulation of Dream is obvious. He should hate him for it, try to kill him with - he doesn't have anything, he realizes... With his bare hands, then. Yeah, that's a fucking good idea. Maybe he would die. He cant't bring himself to care and asks himself if that's a bad sign. Not caring about death. 

_Is it the truth though? Dream's the only one who visits you..._

Still... Dream's not only his worst enemy. He is his friend. Tommy knows it's absurd, he _knows_ that green bastard's just manipulating him. But reality seems to have changed in the last few weeks. His thoughts aren't his own anymore, his dreams, _hahaha, pun,_ leave him crying at night and only Dream is there to comfort him. He's told him he shouldn't jump into that lava. He came to the party no one else bothered to show up to. It leaves Tommy's mind spinning in confusion. Can he trust him? ~~He shouldn't.~~ Maybe Dream really only wants to help him... Hell, he even let him keep his stuff yesterday. Maybe he's changed like they all had. Wilbur went from a charismatic leader to a dead terrorist. Tubbo went from a laughing summer boy to a cold business man. Tommy went from a loud child to silent soldier. Maybe... Dream went from a cruel tyrant to a caretaker of those in need...? 

Maybe Dream is his next Tubbo...? 

_Fuck, that bloody wanker's really messing with you._

The voice in his head sounds suspiciously like Wilbur and Tommy shudders. He remembers again. Remembers the way Dream's voice mocked him. Telling him everyone hates him. The way he would stand tall, intimidating, _I'm your only friend, Tommy. Just do as I say and I won't hurt you. I'm the only one that cares about you. You can't leave me._

The realization hits him like he hit Dream with a minecart once (unfortunately he didn't die) - hard and fast and burning. Right. His mind's right. He should never trust that bastard, that dickhead, he just used him. Those green eyes that tore him to pieces, overseeing every movement with a smug grin on his lips. 

Friends... 

Friends don't just stay there and watch your suffering. 

Friends fucking help. 

"He's just watching me", Tommy murmurs against the wind, voice getting lost, "he was here to watch me." 

Of course. 

Oh, that motherfucker. 

The sudden rage is welcomed. It fills out the hole Tubbo left, pushes away the thoughts of loneliness and replaces them with anger. Fire in his veins, in his chest; Tommy knows that feeling damn well. It's what cost him his second life and what saved L'Manburg. It's what caused his exile in the first place. 

_Hot tempered,_ Wilbur had called it. Tommy had just snickered at his choice of words, _yeah, so hot it gets me all the women!_

The flames lick at his thoughts. He's relieved; they're back. His emotions. He breathes in and feels the cold air in his lungs. 

"He just came to fucking watch me. To enjoy my suffering." A dry laugh leaves him. "Obviously. He's not my friend. No... No one is." The loneliness tries to overtake him again, but Tommy pushes it away and lets the fire of anger consume him further. "But that's fine. That's okay. Because I dont care for them. They don't care for me. Why should I die for them?" 

_I'm really losing it. Talking to myself._

"No, no, I'll just stay alive and show them that i don't need shit from them. From Wilbur, from Tubbo, from Dream. I'm my own person, I can do what I want." It helps. Encouraging himself. Feeling the satisfying stinging of betrayed carelessness in his heart. 

Tommy really needs to get away. 

But before that he wants to do something he remembers liking very much. 

"Hey Dream, you green bastard!", he yells at the dark sky, aware that there's no one to hear him. He doesn't care. "Guess what! I don't need you! I don't need anyone!" His laugh cuts through the air. Slightly manic, sad and bitter, but mostly angry. "You're just another scar on my back, which means I survived you and your knives!" _Gettin'all poetic 'nd shit, huh?_ "And I'm gonna continue surviving you, bitch!" 

With that, he jumps. 

The fall lets his stomach flip, his vision fly, and for one moment he is free. Caught in the feeling of adrenaline and pure fear rushing through his veins he simply screams, but the wind rips his voice away as fast as it leaves him. Then the water hits him and freezes all thoughts in their tracks. Coldness yells at him in shock. He starts kicking, not giving attention to the darkness around him but instead to the light above. His head breaks free and he begins laughing. Wheezes leave his pumping lungs, he feels so damn alive, in pain and cold, but _alive._ Fuck that emptiness. Fuck Tubbo; that scar may cut deep, but it's already healing. Fuck Dream. 

_I'm gonna be free,_ Tommy decides, _I'm gonna be free and do what I want again._

And... 

Oh, there is one thing he really, really wants, and he knows who will help him get it. 

A smirk creeps on Tommy's face as he starts swimming towards the shore - towards his future. A plan forms in his head. Yes, bitch, he's gonna go away and he's gonna get revenge. 

Dream should prepare himself. 

'Cause Tommy's gonna get those discs back.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Scars" by no name faces 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! I'm myself am not that happy with this work, but well... Don't forget to drink and eat enough and stay safe!


End file.
